hello. it's july 22, 2023. i'm going to be a senior in high school in literally a month. i'm so stressed about college and the whole application process. maybe it's because i've been on reddit r/chanceme and r/applyingtocollege too much, but i feel like i'm no where close to good enough. i don't want to be rejected everywhere - that's my worst fear. i wish i had done more in freshman and sophomore year. i feel so worthless at the moment. every applicant i see on reddit as some sort of impressive research with t10 unis, won gold in USACO, etc. and i'm here with barely any awards and impressive extracurriculars. CS is such a competitive major too, so all the acceptance rates of any college is really divided by 3 if ur a CS major. i don't want to apply to another major though; i genuinely like CS. but i feel so worthless and uncompetitive compared to other applicants that i'm seeing. i have so many things to do, but i don't know where to get started. first, i have to worry about my gwc program and finish as much as i can as well as my dual enrollment classes (intro to administrative justice, intro to sociology). i also have my final for living earth on monday, but to be honest i'm not too concerned about that. i also have kwk coming up in a couple of weeks which will occupy most of my day. i have to finish my commonapp essay which is honestly not looking too bad so far (i'm still on my first draft) and worry about all the supplementals i have to write. i also have to write my UC PIQs. i have to study for the sat and score at least a 1500 or i'm screwed. i have to worry about my 5 ap classes in the fall and possibly intro to stats at ivc. i have to worry about the standout search program as well as my internship. and i'm planning to build some sort of model that uses web scraping and machine learning to detect products on alibaba that steals designs from companies (this is a stretch though i don't think it's gonna happen). i'm also planning to learn as much cs as i can to win some hackathons since my awards list is literally just ap scholar w/ honors. i want to get another internship too, i feel like 1 isn't enough. again, i just feel so uncompetitive compared to my applicant pool and i don't think i'm even going to get accepted to any one of the schools i apply to. my worst fear at the moment is going to community college. i feel like it gets looked down so much and i don't want to look like a failure. i'm going to ED to cornell bc it's the best ivy for CS, has amazing connections being that it has a campus in NYC and is a close drive to many populated cities, and the campus is beautiful, at least from what i heard. god i really do hope i get into a good school. time is flying by so fast.
